A Beginner’s Guide to Strap-Ons

Whether you're curious about pegging, same-sex play, or simply want to explore new dimensions of intimacy with a partner, strap-ons open up a whole world of sexual possibilities. But if you've never used one before, it can feel a little overwhelming — from choosing the right harness to figuring out which dildo works best. Don't worry: this guide covers everything you need to know to get started confidently and comfortably.

Let's walk through what a strap-on actually is, how to choose your setup, and how to use one safely and pleasurably for both partners.

What Is a Strap-On?

A strap-on is a wearable sex toy system that typically consists of two parts: a harness (worn around the hips or thighs) and a dildo that attaches to it. This setup allows the wearer to penetrate a partner — vaginally or anally — without relying on a biological penis. Strap-ons are popular across all genders and sexual orientations, and they're a fantastic way to explore power dynamics, role reversal, and new forms of intimacy.

Some strap-ons also come as "strapless" designs — a double-ended toy that the wearer holds internally without a harness. These require stronger pelvic floor muscles and a bit more experience, so harness-based systems are generally recommended for beginners.

Who Uses Strap-Ons — and Why?

Strap-ons aren't just for one type of couple. Here's why people across all orientations and genders love them:

Same-sex female couples: Strap-ons allow both partners to experience penetrative sex in ways that feel deeply fulfilling and intimate.
Pegging: Women or non-binary partners penetrating male partners anally — a practice growing in popularity and celebrated for the intense prostate stimulation it provides.
Gender-affirming play: For trans and non-binary individuals, strap-ons can be an empowering, gender-affirming tool during sex.
Role reversal and power dynamics: Strap-ons are a natural fit for BDSM and dominant/submissive play. If you're curious about this side of things, our Understanding BDSM for Beginners guide is a great place to start.
Couples where one partner has erectile difficulties: A strap-on provides a reliable, pressure-free way to enjoy penetrative sex.

Choosing the Right Harness

The harness is the foundation of your strap-on experience. Here's what to look for when choosing one:

Style
The most common type is the two-strap or jockstrap harness, which goes around the hips with a strap between the legs. They're adjustable, secure, and great for beginners. Boxer-style harnesses (like underwear with a built-in O-ring) are another popular beginner option — comfortable and easy to put on.
Material
Look for body-safe materials:
- Vegan leather or nylon: Durable, adjustable, and easy to clean.
- Cotton or fabric: Soft and comfortable, ideal for sensitive skin.
- Leather: Long-lasting and looks great, but requires more care.
O-Ring Size
The O-ring is the opening that holds the dildo in place. Most harnesses come with interchangeable O-rings (usually 1.5" and 2") so you can use different dildo sizes. Confirm the harness is compatible with the dildo you plan to use.
Fit and Adjustability
A well-fitted harness shouldn't slip during use. Look for adjustable straps that fit a range of hip and waist sizes comfortably.

Choosing the Right Dildo

Not every dildo works with every harness, and not every dildo is right for every experience. Here's how to choose wisely:

Material
Stick to body-safe materials — just like with any sex toy. Silicone is the gold standard for strap-on dildos: non-porous, easy to sterilize, and available in a wide range of sizes and firmnesses. For a full breakdown of toy materials, check out our guide on Glass vs. Silicone vs. Metal Toys.
Size
Start smaller than you think you need. For anal play, especially, it's important to work up gradually. A dildo around 5–6 inches in length with a modest girth is a sensible starting point. You can always size up as you become more comfortable.
Base Design
The dildo must have a flared or wide base to sit securely in the harness O-ring. Tapered or thin bases won't stay in place during use.
Vibrating vs. Non-Vibrating
Some dildos are designed to vibrate, which can stimulate the wearer's clitoris or perineum through the harness. These are a great option once you're comfortable with the basics.

💡 If you're shopping for a dildo separately, our Beginner's Guide to Dildos has everything you need to find the right match.

Lube: The Most Important Part

Whether you're using a strap-on for vaginal or anal penetration, lube is non-negotiable. The anus has no natural lubrication at all, and even vaginal play benefits greatly from added lube for extended sessions.

For anal play: Use a generous, thick water-based lube and reapply often.
For vaginal play: A lighter water-based lube works well and is safe with silicone toys.
Avoid silicone-based lubes with silicone dildos — they can degrade the toy's surface over time.

Not sure which lube to reach for? Our guide on How to Choose the Perfect Lube for Every Occasion breaks it all down.

How to Use a Strap-On: Step-by-Step

Ready to get started? Here's your beginner-friendly walkthrough:

Clean everything first — Wash the dildo with a toy cleaner before use. A clean start makes for a safe, hygienic experience every time.
Fit the harness — Put on the harness and adjust all straps so it sits snugly against your body. It should feel secure but not restrictive. Insert the dildo base through the O-ring until it sits flush.
Communicate with your partner — Talk openly about what you both want, any boundaries, and a safe word if needed. This is especially important for anal play or any BDSM dynamics.
Use plenty of lube — Apply lube generously to both the dildo and your partner's body before insertion. Don't skimp here.
Start slowly — Begin with gentle, shallow movements. Let your partner guide the pace, especially at first. For anal penetration in particular, rushing is the most common mistake — the muscles need time to relax.
Experiment with positioning — Missionary, doggy style, and spooning all work well with strap-ons. Some positions give the wearer more control; others give the receiving partner more agency. Try different things and find what works for you both.
Check in throughout — Keep talking during play. A simple "does this feel good?" goes a long way.
Remove carefully — When you're done, withdraw slowly and gently. Remove the harness, and clean the dildo promptly.

💡 If you're specifically preparing for anal penetration with a strap-on, our dedicated guide on How to Prepare for Anal Sex (and Actually Enjoy It) is essential reading.

Cleaning and Caring for Your Strap-On

Proper hygiene keeps your setup safe and extends its life:

Silicone dildos without a vibrator can be boiled, run through the dishwasher (top rack, no soap), or cleaned with a dedicated toy cleaner. This sterilizes them fully, which is important for any toy used anally.
Vibrating dildos should be wiped down thoroughly with a toy cleaner — never submerge electronic components.
Harnesses made of nylon or fabric can typically be hand-washed or machine-washed on a gentle cycle. Leather harnesses should be wiped with a damp cloth and conditioned periodically.
Store the dildo and harness separately in a clean pouch or storage bag, away from other toys.

For a complete rundown on keeping all your toys hygienic, see our guide on How to Clean and Care for Your Sex Toys.

Final Thoughts

Strap-ons are one of the most versatile and exciting additions you can bring into the bedroom. Whether you're exploring pegging for the first time, looking to add new sensations to an existing relationship, or discovering a gender-affirming form of intimacy, the right setup makes all the difference.

Take your time choosing a harness and dildo that work for your bodies, communicate openly with your partner, and don't forget the lube. The learning curve is short, and the rewards are well worth it.

💡 Curious how sex toys can improve your relationship in general? Read our blog on Do Sex Toys Really Improve Sex?

And when you're ready to shop, visit our Strap-On Collection to explore harnesses, dildos, and complete kits for every level.